So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she peed on how many people?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
