Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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