This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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