the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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