sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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