Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
