We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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