So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You can't motorboat a personality
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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