You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
