I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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