Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
