I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
