you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
