Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize