Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
