When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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