I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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