12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize