Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
