hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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