There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
