those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
