just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
