I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
