I am midnight drunk by noon
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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