I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
