Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
