38 yer olds are good kisserssss
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
