Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
