she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
