Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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