I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
