That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
