Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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