I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
