So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
