When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
