Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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