It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
