K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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