to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
