the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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