literally had 100 drinks last night.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
