If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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