Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
