Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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