I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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