He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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