Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
