No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
