dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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