singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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