So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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