Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
