I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
