dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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