I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
