did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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