Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
