No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize