I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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