He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize