those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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