I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
