I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
