I need help removing her.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
