i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
