Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
