I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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