There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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