38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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