Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
