The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
