Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
