somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
