Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
