I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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