It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
