When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
