Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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