If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
